Nobody should go through things like this! I did not want to write this post, but as long as I promised to keep it real and share the good and the bad of living in another country far away from family and represent this community, I had to open up. And no, nobody should go through things like losing a family member, not being able to hug your family in moments like this, and grief for young people involved in tragedies.
Most of the people I met in NYC are not close to their families. They are not close to their siblings, cousins, or parents. This was always such a cultural shock for me… I come from a culture where family always comes first. I grew up close to my older brother and my cousins. My parents are my safe place and the people I can always count on. So are my cousins. Latin families tend to be like this. We are close, we grow up together, we look after each other and we are not just family, we are best friends and we have each other's back no matter what.
Last weekend I lost my cousin. The one I grew up with and have known as my brother my entire life. There are some things God does that I keep thinking “but why?” and that is the feeling I have since then. A young kid (35 years old), who loved motorcycles and was loved by literally everyone who knows him. My other cousin (his brother) told me that they even put his motorcycle clothes on him for the memorial, which comforted me a lot, but nothing changes the fact that I could not be there to hug my family. A lot of people do not realize or just do not know the struggles we go through living away from family and trying to stay strong.
In social media, life can seem great, but the truth behind the scene is very different. The tragedy that happened in Miami is another proof of that. I did not want to mention that because I do not think anyone would understand how it really feels to lose someone close. The agony of not being able to hug your family. Again, I come from a Latin family just like most of the people in that building. I know how it feels to be away from family and not being able to see or hug your loved ones (forever in this case). Imagine their families who cannot even come to the US for goodbye and a decent memorial for their families.
My cousin was the biggest claw you would ever meet. He was always playing pranks on people around him and doing some dumb shit that could hurt him for real. One time I was visiting grandpa and my cousin decided that it was a great idea to take me home on his motorcycle while he was on the motorcycle and I was on my skateboard being pulled by him (very safe!). Another time he pranked grandpa putting a can of disinfectant on grandpa's office (the kind of disinfectant that smokes the whole house) and grandpa ran into his office with the fire extinguisher and washed all his documents because he thought everything was on fire, lol (but for real). Then grandpa, trying to get back to him, tied the back wheel of his motorcycle to a light pole and when he tried to drive, well… I believe you know what happened hahaha! He was ok though - not sure how that kid did not break a leg on that prank!
I am known to be the cousin who looks like him the most. Inside and out. After all the pranks on each other, not sure how we all ended up alive with our faces in the right place. So many good memories and it hurts to not be able to be with my family and say goodbye to him at the moment. This is how all the families who lost their loved ones in the Miami tragedy are feeling. I can understand you all and I feel for you all. I do not think people who are not close to their families would really understand this feeling. I can see how much people felt touched by that tragedy, but it is very different when you come from a tight family. Nothing can explain the feeling.
The reality and the struggle we go through are stronger than social media can show. We make ourselves so strong and so tough, but in reality, no one would handle what we go through sometimes. And now people will be like “but was it not your choice to be here?” Yes, and that is what makes it harder: choosing my career.
For everyone out there who has lost their families or close friends in tragedies, I know what you are going through. I understand you better than anyone who is not close to their family will ever understand. That thick skin we create sometimes is just not enough and the reality inside our heads and hearts is very different and what it looks like daily. Regardless of being with your family in hard moments or not, keeping your family tradition, sticking to your family values and beliefs is what makes the difference when you choose a life and career away from family.
PS: our grandpa had an awesome car (picture below). When grandpa died he left the car for my cousin. That jerk never let me drive. GUESS WHAT, I AM DRIVING IT NOW! I AM ALSO GOING TO DRIVE YOUR MOTORCYCLE! Well, whenever I visit Brazil again… lol, but for real!
Another fact I have to make clear here, Bruno and I were always grandpa favorites. My cousins will read this and I thought I should make that clear!
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