Easter holiday is here and, somehow this week, I caught myself thinking about some of my first holidays in NYC. Even though the reality is completely different now, the holidays always remind me of how lonely things can get. I remember my family saying that the weekends would come and I would feel alone because I wouldn’t have anything to do. Ok, they were right about that, but one thing that I have to admit is that even feeling lonely and missing the traditions I grew up with, I never felt bad about being alone. The opposite, I saw opportunities.
Let me start reinstating that things are completely different now. Nowadays, when the holidays are around, all that I want to do is to be alone and get some rest. Back in the day, seven years ago more specifically, the situation was completely different. I never thought that I would live to see the day when weekdays would be my favorite far from weekend days. Why? Because, at least, during the week I would go to my classes and see people, hang out with my classmates, and play tourist around NYC. On weekend days I would stay home, sleep and stress about how I would get my shit together or make my career happen (lol, but for real!).
I will admit that weekdays are still my favorite since I am way more productive, but the weekends and the holidays got easier over the years. Of course, finding great friends, having a more social life, spending time with my husband’s family, and getting invited to different stuff, all of these help me to stay busy and not feel alone. BUT, back in the day when it wasn’t like this and I would miss my friends and family, my favorite thing to do was to introduce my holiday traditions to whoever was close to me.
When I first moved to New York I was living in Astoria, Queens, with a lovely young couple. When the Easter holiday came around, even though I knew they didn’t care about Easter at all and they were not religious, instead of spending the holiday sleeping in my room I decided to bake them some traditional Brazilian sweets that my mom would make us every Easter. What was going to be a boring and sleepy holiday turned out to be a nice gesture to people who barely knew me.
Most of my friends and people I know in New York don’t care about the holidays as much as I do. I totally understand that especially if we are talking about the Easter holiday, but this is an important holiday for me not just because of all the chocolate eating, but because it is an important catholic holiday. So, it is a mix of feelings like gratitude and homesickness, with going to church, not eating red meat on Friday and, obviously, eating all the chocolate I can (haha) kind of traditions.
One of the things that immigrant life taught me is that you can’t let yourself feel lonely. It is really easy to lose focus on your goals when you miss your family or old friends. It is important to see that you chose to live away from your family, so missing them is something that you need to get used to, even though that is horrible to say… I have seen friends who gave up on their careers and moved back home because they couldn’t handle the NYC hustle and missed their families. I saw some other friends who shouldn’t have left the country to visit their families (immigrant status-wise), but they did it anyway and they couldn't come back.
It might seem easy for me to say all of these because, after all, it has been seven years since I first moved to New York City and my life/career is made. But, believe me, it is still not easy. To this day I need to remind myself that I have a goal and I need to stay focused on my goals! I can’t leave my work and commitments behind and jump on a flight to Brazil to spend Easter with my family even though I could easily jump on a flight anytime I want… choosing your priorities and focusing on your dreams will never be easy especially when you chose a life away from family, that I know! But instead of feeling lonely, it is important to see new opportunities.
A life away from everything we ever knew and the people we love was our choice. If we want to conquer our dreams and secure our future, we have to look to the future instead of spending time missing the past. This doesn’t mean that you have to ignore all your traditions and beliefs, it means that you can adapt and introduce your holiday traditions to whoever is close to you. Introduce your friends and people who you see in your future things that are important to you. In this immigrant life, you always need to seek an opportunity to grow, instead of doing the easiest thing: looking back at things you miss.
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