This is going to be my last piece of advice to you all before moving to NYC. No, the immigrants' blog series is not going to end (absolutely not!). I still have a lot to share and tell you, after all, it has been almost 6 years of living this immigrant life in New York. But the most important steps of how to make it in this city are at their end and, for obvious reasons, I left one of the hardest steps for last.
Being family sick is something that I hope nobody goes through. It makes you sick emotionally and physically. Believe it or not, when my cousin died and I could not be there I was (and still am) so emotionally drained that in the first week, after crying all day/night, not sleeping or eating, I got sick with a bad fever and throat pain.
It takes a lot of guts to go through hard phases by yourself. It definitely makes you tougher, but involves a lot of crying yourself to sleep - and makes you distracted from your goals, which can be a problem if you are not controlled and focused on your life.
It is impossible to avoid being home and family sick, neither should you force yourself against this instinct, but here are a couple of tips to deal with it a little better.
1. Avoid the talking
I am not telling you to not talk to your family and friends from home, but the more you talk to them, the harder it is for you and for them. They miss you as much as you miss them, so it is important to break that “needy” feeling of talking to the friends you grew up with and your family. Focus on what is new and making friends in your current city.
Relax, the friends you grew up with will always be your friends and you can spend months without talking to them, but once you do, it will be like nothing changed (otherwise it was not a true friendship). So you can relax and do not think your friends will abandon you.
2. Trust your goals
If you feel like you are on the right track and you are happy living away from family, stick to it!
You have to be firm with your decisions. If you do love where you live, if you do love your career and want to build your lifetime work and future in the US, you have to put your ego and your feelings aside.
It takes a lot of strength to build a career on your own, but if you feel like you are on the right path, swallow your pride and feelings and keep going. Life will always move forward and the decision of going back home because something happened or because you miss your family will hunt you forever - you will always remember the dream you gave up!
3. Be around your friends - but learn how to be alone
It will be hard to make true friendships in the beginning, but you have to remember that you moved to a new city to build your career and not friendships. Friends will come along the way and less you push friendships, more real friends will come on your way.
4. Do not focus on relationships
You have to be good on your own to feel good where you are living.
We all know that being alone sucks, but focusing on your career, building friendships, and being the best of yourself will also help you attract the right relationship. So being good on your own and not depending on someone else to make you happy or “complete” makes the way - just like the law of attraction and that energy bla bla bla we all know it is real!
As I said, there is no easy way of going through shit like this, but you learn ways to deal with it. The main important thing is to never forget why you moved far away from your family, stay focused and love your career. When I lost my cousin and could not be with my family it crushed me in ways I cannot describe and, to be honest, I do not think I will feel better and “get over it” until I see my family again. But there is always a price to pay for our choices. Learn how to deal with them.
PS: this is a picture of me and my horse. Yup, for those who do not know it already, I grew up on a farm, I have my own horse and I feed him the carrots my mom grows in the backyard which pisses her off badly - sorry mama!
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